september 18, 2002 tempe, nita's hideaway

the good news about driving forever through the night is that the next day is a short drive. tempe, az (the grand canyon state, pop. 5,130,632) is home of many things including a)heat b)sunshine c)scorched earth d)dead desert animals and e)a large number of aggressive pissed off pick up/suv drivers with moustaches and wraparound oakley shades. I'd be pissed too if my city spent trillions of dollars to make a riverfront promenade on a river that had absolutely no water. dry as a bone. I get dehydrated just thinking about how dry that riverbed is.

nita's hideaway hid away from us but we finally found it. we drove by the old america west amphitheater where we played with garbage. we also played in phoenix a long time ago with the jesus lizard and seam, touch and go legendary legends. these shows all had one thing in common - heat. yes, it is hot here and when it gets cold it's still hot. here's my question: why do people who live in really hot climates eat really hot food? is it because they aren't miserable enough drying up into a sack of dust? another interesting thing they have in arizona, new mexico and georgia (and maybe other states) is wire fences that run down the middle of the club to separate the over 21's from the under 21's. the idea is that as people are being crushed and squeezed through the fence like hamburger meat they won't have time to pass alcohol to minors.

some hardy souls flew from albuquerque and drove from houston to see the travelling circus/freakshow called gvsb. thanks folks!

september 19, 2002 from arizona to texas

the drive from arizona through new mexico (land of enchantment, pop. 18,976,457) to texas (the lone star state, pop. 20,851,820) is a long one and we have 2 days to do it. I twist everyone's arms and we head to the old b-52 graveyard. after barely seeing the massive area where they park disused 747's we head to the air museum. every possible old plane sits here not rusting away (everything is so dry here nothing rusts). they have old bombers and fighter planes and the last prop air force one. ok, ok, some people find this interesting. in other news we discover that our mighty v8 powerstroke engine is outgunned by radio 4's triton v-10. we demand they disable at least 3 of their cylinders as it clearly states in our contract that the headlining band must have the most powerful engine. after boring the tears out of scott and johnny we head east through the desert. it goes on and on and on-no wonder people ate each other when they crossed this. we decide to stop at a ghosttown called shakespeare, which is probably cool when it's open. instead we look at some old fences and some signs saying no trespassing. we also see a bunch of flora and fauna including a grasshopper/cicada thing that is bigger than a rat - well maybe not that big - but big enough to make me think there's a rogue nuclear power plant in the area.

things are starting to heat up on our new accent as we've agreed to disagree on various elements. now it's clear that you must pronounce everything like you are thurston howell III of gi (gilligan's island), b's are silent, t's and s's sound the same. a's are pronounced arrrr like a pirate unless there is an r after the a, then it's awwwwwwphhh. it's really pretty simple actually.

asleep at the wheel
september 20, 2002 denton, rubber gloves

after a nice 6 hours of sleep I'm awoken by a housekeeping staffer who seems to have a massive crush on me. what else could explain why she knocks on the door every 12 minutes? we go to waffle house and give the staff there 2 bottles of champagne-it's our waitress' first day back. after a stop in pecos, tx we start driving to denton. shouldn't take us more than 100 years and we seem to be right on-we drive and drive and drive and then get to denton at 8:30 or something-we have crossed the continental divide and 2 time zones so time doesn't make any sense any more. texas is hot and dry and we have passed midland, home of dubya and lots and lots of oil. this is close to 5 easy pieces land. our collective funk is mounting again and we must find a laundromat soon or we will be quarantined.

september 21, 2002 austin, emo's

today is the day I look forward to-austin, tx and emo's-2 of my favorite things. we've played here many times-once with brainiac, seam, man or astroman touch and go extravaganza blowout bonanza!!! saturday night in austin guarantees the freaks will come out tonight. eli and I head over to do a video interview - I get to wear a headset and pretend I'm in n'sync. I'm now pretending to get paid too. c'mon cash machine get my ass in orbit... naomi had all of our videos which we don't even have - so we watched some. kill the sex player is a really screwed up video and made us laugh. then we stopped laughing. then we left.

radio 4 rocks the house as usual and the crowd is very into them. apparently the faint are in the house and I love you but I've chosen darkness gets our band name of the year award. congratulations! our next award goes to the guy drinking the beer and wearing the minor threat shirt. perhaps the "best use of ironic juxtaposition" award? or perhaps the "art imitates life" award? whatever the award, I like it, dammit!

we are graced by the presence of neal pollack, arguably the greatest writer of the 21st century, if not of all time. we are dwarfed by his literary prowess as well as his contributions to the earth's culture and the reformation of civilazation as we know it. considered a god to some if not many, neal's presence humbles us. thank you neal, just for being you.

lastly, I would just like to point out how goddamn sexy everyone in austin is. is there something the rest of the world needs to know about the water here? well done! things are getting so hot here you can't even get a hotel room, people are getting down in austin, that's for sure. no seriously, we can't find a hotel room and it's 3 am, and we don't want some used room either. so in typical glamourous rock star fashion, we head out onto the open road. out by the airport johnny works his magic and we get suites, caviar and champagne. and I wash my clothes to get the centers for disease control off my back. austin does it again-nice work, texas!

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